A conversation with my brain.
Updated: Jul 22, 2021
Me, Myself and My Brain
Traumatic Brain Injury Warrior
Poem by Crystal Le Fay
Acceptance??!!
Such an easy path to follow.
Right?
I’m suffering in so many ways.
Can't you see?
CAN’T YOU SEE??
I am in so much invisible pain, every fucking day!
How can you tell me, to just accept this torture?
BREATHEEEEE!
I am breathing!
Every day, in every way which way,
I can imagine,
I BREATHEEEE!
Stop all these unrecognizable confusing thoughts,
I SCREAM at the reflection in the mirror,
staring blankly back at me.
Heartbroken.
I consciously tell myself,
over and over.
YOU are safe!
YOU are ok!
Why can’t my body hear me?
Have I become deaf to my own voice?
I feel so heavy.
Pushed down,
with this weight in my head.
So lost,
Blindly, feeling my way through this darkness,
In my head.
In my head.
Why is my brain ignoring my thoughts?!
I grab my head.
Tears streaming down my swollen cheeks.
“Can you hear me now?”
So many unanswered questions.
From somewhere deep within my soul,
I hear,
SHHHHHHHHHHH!
I become quiet.
I am in the silence,
embracing the stillness.
Stillness,
within me.
I hear her.
A tiny soft tired voice.
Whisper to me.
Please, oh please.
She begs of me.
Stop resisting.
I hear myself whisper back,
“The healing?”
“The journey?”
“Myself?”
She raises her shaky voice,
YOU are safe.
YOU are ok.
Please, oh please.
Accept this!
I whisper again,
“It’s so hard.”
“I’m barely holding on.”
Let go, she says to me.
Our freedom will only come,
When YOU,
let go.
Let go, of what you expect,
things to be.
Can’t you see?
You’re exhausting us!
You cannot run from your reality.
I SEE you!
I HEAR you!
My brain pleads with me.
Please, oh please.
Understand this.
We are not separate!
We are in this together!
I am not your enemy!
You are not alone!
“But?”
My brain SCREAMS AT ME,
SERIOUSLY!
STOP!
Stop, trying to resist me!
I need you!
Need you to love me!
Need you to just sit with me!
I am scared too!
I need your words of kindness!
Can't you see,
YOU are all I have.
BREATHEEEEE!
Breathe with me, in and out 1,2,3.
We will heal,
you will see.
I promise
This will happen naturally
If you,
Just,
accept me.