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Darkness

Updated: Feb 21, 2023

TRIGGER WARNING: I wrote the first version of this poem when I was 16 years old, that version was full of so much pain and desperation.

This new version shows my transition from pain to strength then to victory.

This poem is the healing from being rapped and molested by my mothers boyfriend when I was 8 years old in 1985.

The photo is of me on my 9th birthday.

Darkness


A little girl hiding in the shadows,

Waiting for the sun to find her,

She shivers at the memory,

memory of all the boogeymen monsters,

terrified,

begging God, “don’t let the boogeymen monsters capture me,

please…”

She’s wet with sweat, shaking within her silence.

she waits

no moving

holding her breath,

thoughts racing through her head,

“SHHHH!, he can hear you”,

the words in her head scream to her,

she waits

for the sun to set

she waits

hiding behind every wall,

wishing that this time,

he will stop taking pieces of her,

she just screams out loud into the darkness coming for her

“end this FUCKING pain!”

then silently cry’s to herself,

“God why can’t he just swallow me whole?”

Then just like every other time before, night falls upon her

Light disappears,

Darkness surrounds her,

Paralyzed from the fear, she astral travels to another world,

As the boogey monster walks through her door.

She awakes,

“Breatheeeee”, she lies to herself again,

“It was just a nightmare”,

But she knows the truth,

The truth buried deep inside her guarded heart,

She has become a woman chasing her own shadows,

Running,

Hiding,

from of all the boogey man monsters haunting her from the past,

desperately searching for the light,

but too afraid to be burned,

longing for a safe place to be seen,

but too afraid to be found,

SO

she waits,

within the only safe space she knows,

her own shadow,

she waits

playing hide and seek in her head,

with the darkness that chases her from before,

the darkness only she can see,

the darkness that is killing her now,

then she knows,

she knows

only the boogeyman monsters or her,

can survive this time,

SO

she begins to crawl,

bruised and achy,

shaky legs, bloody hands,

she braces herself,

she pushes herself up,

then

she stands,

from somewhere deep within her body,

a burning begins,

a fire from a long-forgotten space hidden,

rises slowly through her,

with brutal force, escapes her mouth,

with a howl, that can be heard around the world,

in amazement,

she watches her arms transform,

transform into a shield of light,

She turns to the past,

With shields of light, she faces

She faces the darkness,

She cry's

Tears of joy,

She laughs,

Laughs at the boogeyman monsters,

The monsters that only she can see,

With strength in her voice,

She looks the boogeymen monsters straight in their eyes,

And screams!

“YOU ARE DEAD TO ME, YOU NO LONGER EXIST TO ME.”

As the darkness is consumed by her light,

she screams,

“YOU CANT EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!”

she smiles.

Turning to walk away,

She breathes,

She knows,

Knows the Sun can see her now.

As its warmth touches her face,

She whispers to herself,

“Your safe now, your safe with me.”


Crystal Le Fay



Click on the link for a quick Inner Child Guided Meditation: https://youtu.be/6WA5UZtHfQI


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